Bouts of intense anger and darn near homicidal tendencies do not work well with a cat living here. It's going to get put in the dryer soon if it doesn't stop and heed my slightly above normal physical warnings.
They said I sounded like a serial killer while dealing cards once tonight. I remember this now. It amuses, yet concerns.
20101204
Entry 12.1
Poker. I just played poker with LO and her physics friends. I can't remember anything about it though. I lost, I remember that. Was I a good person? I don't know. I hate my memory. I can't remember a damn thing.
"I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, "
I bailed on her afterward though. She asked me back for something. A movie? And I declined, probably made up an excuse.
I'm going to stab my brain, this is annoying as shit. It happens now and then, tonight is bad though, I just can't think.
So she's probably back at her dorm room confused and odded by my behaviour, as she should be since I'm not being assertive.
"Could've been a night like any other
One of us has to drive
One of us gets to think
I'll force a laugh to break the silence
It's gonna get harder still
Before it gets easy
You can't keep safe what wants to break "
I'm going to go to bed. I've got nothing really to say.
"I'm alone in this. I'm an ass."
"I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, "
I bailed on her afterward though. She asked me back for something. A movie? And I declined, probably made up an excuse.
I'm going to stab my brain, this is annoying as shit. It happens now and then, tonight is bad though, I just can't think.
So she's probably back at her dorm room confused and odded by my behaviour, as she should be since I'm not being assertive.
"Could've been a night like any other
One of us has to drive
One of us gets to think
I'll force a laugh to break the silence
It's gonna get harder still
Before it gets easy
You can't keep safe what wants to break "
I'm going to go to bed. I've got nothing really to say.
"I'm alone in this. I'm an ass."
Entry 12
I hate people. I hate stupid people. I hate smart people. I hate non-religious, and religious, spiritually inclined, agnostic, atheist people. I hate mathematicians, and chemists, preachers, pastors, physicists, logisticians, geologists and priests. I hate warmongers and hippies. I hate the good and the pure and the tainted and the evil. I hate the dark and the light. I hate cute little furballs and ugly old rats. I hate the attractive, I hate the disgusting. I hate the clever and the dull. I hate the happy and the sad.
It's hard to explain exactly how much I hate all of you, because you all have the same flaw. And I hate every single person alive for it.
I hope there's a God, and I hope he damns every single one of us for it. I would rip out my own eyes and boil my entire body in exchange for knowing that every single person who is alive, who has ever been alive and who ever will be alive is going through their own personal torture at their end.
May you all burn in hell forever,
Angel
It's hard to explain exactly how much I hate all of you, because you all have the same flaw. And I hate every single person alive for it.
I hope there's a God, and I hope he damns every single one of us for it. I would rip out my own eyes and boil my entire body in exchange for knowing that every single person who is alive, who has ever been alive and who ever will be alive is going through their own personal torture at their end.
May you all burn in hell forever,
Angel
20101203
IT'S SO PERFECT
Oh my dear and holy flying death cat. I OWN ORPHEN NOW. I can die fucking happy. I can't express how ... just..... AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S SOOO GOOD.
I had heard that the complete collection was released in japan a few years back. But they said it would never be on our shores.
It is.
And it's in English.
This is the single best show ever. Period. Ever. The end.
It's dark, it's hopeful, it's cheesy and it's dignified. The story telling, it's brilliant. The dialogue? Realistic. Characters? Holy crap, Orphen was/is my childhood/adult idol. Magic, the kid is the perfect understudy. Cleo is the epitome of the damsel-in-no-distress.
OMG, he's "bird watching" now. I'm going to cry.
It's funny, it's powerful, it's dorky and it's cool.
The animation is borderline hand drawn and old school.
Even the music is perfect.
Hollllly craaaaap.
It's sooo goood.
The opening scene puts all teenage romance shows/movies to shame. Makes twilight and city of bones look like fourth graders tried to write about sexiness, or beauty, or ominous power and mystery.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUT4drcJBX8&feature=related
See 1:30-3:00
IIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS PEEEEEEEEEERFFFFEEEEEEECTTTT
I had heard that the complete collection was released in japan a few years back. But they said it would never be on our shores.
It is.
And it's in English.
This is the single best show ever. Period. Ever. The end.
It's dark, it's hopeful, it's cheesy and it's dignified. The story telling, it's brilliant. The dialogue? Realistic. Characters? Holy crap, Orphen was/is my childhood/adult idol. Magic, the kid is the perfect understudy. Cleo is the epitome of the damsel-in-no-distress.
OMG, he's "bird watching" now. I'm going to cry.
It's funny, it's powerful, it's dorky and it's cool.
The animation is borderline hand drawn and old school.
Even the music is perfect.
Hollllly craaaaap.
It's sooo goood.
The opening scene puts all teenage romance shows/movies to shame. Makes twilight and city of bones look like fourth graders tried to write about sexiness, or beauty, or ominous power and mystery.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUT4drcJBX8&feature=related
See 1:30-3:00
IIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS PEEEEEEEEEERFFFFEEEEEEECTTTT
Entry 11
Fixed the internets! Woot!
Had a series of chess games with LO again. She won close to handily, but was much trickier with revealed attacks this time. I was actually up in pieces during game two, but ended up losing due to bad positioning. Then some poor chap decided to try his hand real quick, she disposed of him without looking at the board for most it it. But I can tell I'm a distraction for her, which I guess is a good sign for me?
At one point she tried to act all suave and made a particularly strong move, so she leaned back in her to chat while the other guy freaked out but instead of being smooth about it, she ended up smacking her head on the wall. I laughed, and so did she, so it worked out.
While we were playing, I kept getting sidetracked by the conversations around us, specifically the very "high thought" English discussion going on behind me. I tried to not laugh as this teacher insisted on free-composing a poem on snow because Kirksville "just makes one dreary and need composition to keep the heart aloof." THIS is why I'm not an English major, because you can't have a single teacher that wasn't dosed out on acid for years at a time. I actually had to correct him on the town's landscape though, and to direct him to Reinhart's and the WTB store. Annoying chap.
No DnD tonight, but I walked with the girl back to her room, saw where she lived etc. She actually invited me to come in and watch MASH with her for a bit, but I declined. I do have stuff to do, but I was more nervous than anything. We talked for a bit longer and then I departed back here and fixed the internet.
And as nice as the whole thing is, I'm not sure I want it because of her, or because I want someone. And if it's the latter, eventually it's going to wear off and she's going to end up hurt. So I'm both nervous because, well, she's a girl and because I don't want to start this if it isn't right.
Much to think about,
Angel
Had a series of chess games with LO again. She won close to handily, but was much trickier with revealed attacks this time. I was actually up in pieces during game two, but ended up losing due to bad positioning. Then some poor chap decided to try his hand real quick, she disposed of him without looking at the board for most it it. But I can tell I'm a distraction for her, which I guess is a good sign for me?
At one point she tried to act all suave and made a particularly strong move, so she leaned back in her to chat while the other guy freaked out but instead of being smooth about it, she ended up smacking her head on the wall. I laughed, and so did she, so it worked out.
While we were playing, I kept getting sidetracked by the conversations around us, specifically the very "high thought" English discussion going on behind me. I tried to not laugh as this teacher insisted on free-composing a poem on snow because Kirksville "just makes one dreary and need composition to keep the heart aloof." THIS is why I'm not an English major, because you can't have a single teacher that wasn't dosed out on acid for years at a time. I actually had to correct him on the town's landscape though, and to direct him to Reinhart's and the WTB store. Annoying chap.
No DnD tonight, but I walked with the girl back to her room, saw where she lived etc. She actually invited me to come in and watch MASH with her for a bit, but I declined. I do have stuff to do, but I was more nervous than anything. We talked for a bit longer and then I departed back here and fixed the internet.
And as nice as the whole thing is, I'm not sure I want it because of her, or because I want someone. And if it's the latter, eventually it's going to wear off and she's going to end up hurt. So I'm both nervous because, well, she's a girl and because I don't want to start this if it isn't right.
Much to think about,
Angel
20101202
Entry 10
Today has been insane, but I only have ten minutes before McDonald's closes, so welcome to the abbreviated version of Angel's last two days.
Noticed I talk to cindy far too much, and in a way others have noted to be flirty. This is not intentional and has to be stopped. No wedges. I miss her as someone to lie with and someone that I enjoyed taking care of, but nothing more. Will have to readjust the brain tonight during meditation to fix that.
Lona and I just had it out. She's out-of-her-goddamn-mind stupid when it comes to boys and she's hurt a few this year already by leading them along and then cutting it off in the most asinine ways. People are being hurt, this is my business. She is not happy with that, nor with me telling her she's in the wrong. I'm taking three days off from contact with that group outside of alex, because he's the only one I'm sure wont go running to her with whatever I say. After three days, we'll see how everything is looking.
ROTC is amazing, period. Swim test tomorrow, it's so easy I want to laugh. Actually miss having the SFC around, and almost want to hate myself for it hah.
Schroedinger has been acting... not himself recently. I'm not sure what the other cats did to him over the weekend, but he's not biting, not clawing, not chasing things, not doing anything remotely... Shro like. I'm actually worried that something happened, asked Sam, but it's late for her and I'm not sure she'll be awake.
Econ's over, History is over. Just have Speech, Myth and MilSci finals to deal with next week.
Hope the story made sense to those that I wrote it for. It's not an insult, but a brief explanation. Hope you took it that way.
I've eaten 10 McNuggets, a coffee, three sodas, two bowls of soup, a bowl of greenbeans, 16 slices of pizza, 22 breadsticks, eggs and cranberry juice today. I hate my body for being so expensive.
Had the Maj refer to me as "the most quickly advanced cadet" he's ever seen. Basically my change between day 1 this fall and now in his eyes. But it's funny, I didn't change at all, I just learned how this system's supposed to work, and have adapted to use it. I guess that's how I "grow" because I haven't actually changed in three years, at all.
I'm going to beat the next guy who says that he has a "plan" for "winning" a girl. Seriously. You shouldn't have a plan, you shouldn't be winning. Be your freaking self, so when you do start dating, nothing changes. The girl wants to date you, don't lie about who you are. This goes the opposite way though too. As a guy, I want to date a girl for who she is, not who she tries to act like. It's too easy to see through that with girls, maybe it's the same for guys. But from personal experience, I can attest that if I'm interested in you, I'm interested in you. Not your clothes, definitely not your make up, or your friends, or anything else. I'm interested in you, don't change yourself.
But as tonight is going, this will all likely fall on deaf ears. I'm not sure if there are other kinds.
Briefing over,
~Angel
Noticed I talk to cindy far too much, and in a way others have noted to be flirty. This is not intentional and has to be stopped. No wedges. I miss her as someone to lie with and someone that I enjoyed taking care of, but nothing more. Will have to readjust the brain tonight during meditation to fix that.
Lona and I just had it out. She's out-of-her-goddamn-mind stupid when it comes to boys and she's hurt a few this year already by leading them along and then cutting it off in the most asinine ways. People are being hurt, this is my business. She is not happy with that, nor with me telling her she's in the wrong. I'm taking three days off from contact with that group outside of alex, because he's the only one I'm sure wont go running to her with whatever I say. After three days, we'll see how everything is looking.
ROTC is amazing, period. Swim test tomorrow, it's so easy I want to laugh. Actually miss having the SFC around, and almost want to hate myself for it hah.
Schroedinger has been acting... not himself recently. I'm not sure what the other cats did to him over the weekend, but he's not biting, not clawing, not chasing things, not doing anything remotely... Shro like. I'm actually worried that something happened, asked Sam, but it's late for her and I'm not sure she'll be awake.
Econ's over, History is over. Just have Speech, Myth and MilSci finals to deal with next week.
Hope the story made sense to those that I wrote it for. It's not an insult, but a brief explanation. Hope you took it that way.
I've eaten 10 McNuggets, a coffee, three sodas, two bowls of soup, a bowl of greenbeans, 16 slices of pizza, 22 breadsticks, eggs and cranberry juice today. I hate my body for being so expensive.
Had the Maj refer to me as "the most quickly advanced cadet" he's ever seen. Basically my change between day 1 this fall and now in his eyes. But it's funny, I didn't change at all, I just learned how this system's supposed to work, and have adapted to use it. I guess that's how I "grow" because I haven't actually changed in three years, at all.
I'm going to beat the next guy who says that he has a "plan" for "winning" a girl. Seriously. You shouldn't have a plan, you shouldn't be winning. Be your freaking self, so when you do start dating, nothing changes. The girl wants to date you, don't lie about who you are. This goes the opposite way though too. As a guy, I want to date a girl for who she is, not who she tries to act like. It's too easy to see through that with girls, maybe it's the same for guys. But from personal experience, I can attest that if I'm interested in you, I'm interested in you. Not your clothes, definitely not your make up, or your friends, or anything else. I'm interested in you, don't change yourself.
But as tonight is going, this will all likely fall on deaf ears. I'm not sure if there are other kinds.
Briefing over,
~Angel
20101201
Story Time Part 2
Now Angel was in highschool. He was in religion classes where teachers talked about the history of the Bible, and it was pretty cool. He found a group of friends that were friends before they got to highschool, but they accepted Angel. But Angel was never really part of that group, they had all grown up together, and therefor were friends, Angel always felt like he was missing something when he was around them. He definitely couldn't go back to his "friends" from grade school, he had tried so hard to make it this far and away from them, but he was just an outsider with the other people he was with.
This trend would continue for a long time.
The whole time, he started having harder questions about the Bible that he couldn't find answers to himself, so he started asking teachers. But those teachers didn't have the answers, so they sent him to the pastor at the school, but that pastor didn't have answers either, so he told Angel to pray about it.
Angel had never gotten an answer through prayer, so he hated being told that, but he tried it anyways. Every night before falling asleep he would try and talk to God, but he never heard anything back, and that hurt him. Why was it ok for everyone else to get answers from other people, or from the Bible, or from prayer, but never him? Did he do something wrong? Was he hurting someone? Was that why God was mad and didn't answer him?
His only friend from gradeschool was named Torie. Angel had liked Torie during gradeschool but after telling Cameron, Cameron decided he liked her more, and they started being boyfriend and girlfriend all through eighth grade. There were times when the three of them would be riding to Junior Winds together in the back seat of the car and Cameron and Torie would start kissing, and Cameron would put his hands up Torie's shirt while Angel sat next to them and stared out the window and tried to ignore them.
Then in highschool, they broke up, and Torie started dating a boy from another school. She would ask Angel for advice on him and ask him questions about what boys like. She would then start telling Angel stories about how they would make-out in the back seat of his car, and he had started licking her down-there, and how it felt so amazing. She would call him or message him after every date and tell him all the details. This whole time, Angel like Torie, and being told this stuff made him hurt inside.
He tried to find answers to this pain in the Bible, there were none. But one time, he was flipping through the pages in Job, trying to explain why he was crying, and he got a papercut. It was only a paper cut, but for a moment, he wasn't sad, and crying, he was just angry. So he gave himself another one, and another one. Soon, that page in Job was almost entirely red.
This idea worked too well. Every time Torie would start talking to him about the new thing she had tried with the other boy, he would just take a knife, or a pen or scissors and just make a little cut on his arm. Then while they were talking, he would just agitate it and cause a sting.
This went on until the end of Sophomore year, when Angel asked out a girl himself. Now Torie had told him how much it had hurt to have things go so far with a boy, and then be left alone. So Angel took things very slow with this girl. But soon they were going to Youth Group together, and Angel started to learn more and more things about the history of the Bible and his faith and everything else and in some cases, the Bible was just wrong, or silly, or downright stupid. But he ignored those issues, because he liked the girl and her faith, and he was happy living exactly how he was.
But the questions were still there, unanswerable by everyone, and they were important questions. They festered in his mind. They were a cancer to his faith. What he had always been told was that the Bible had all the answers, but it was turning out that it didn't. He was told that the questions he had were the ones that would never have an answer. They were things that he just had to ignore, otherwise they would drive him insane and make him lose his faith, the foundation of his life.
And they did. He went crazy. Now he wasn't talking to Torie, because his girlfriend had hated that they hung out and were friends, because she was "that" kind of girl. Christianity was the last piece of his childhood left to him, and that was falling out from under him when the questions became too unbearable to just ignore. So everytime he started to think about it, he would just take out his pocketknife and prick himself, just enough to bleed and hurt. His eyes would roll back in his head, and he would be entirely lost in the pain, unable to focus on what was bothering him before. It was bliss.
But eventually, even that wasn't working anymore. One night while the rest of the family was out, Angel was crying on the floor, yelling at heaven. But he realized that he no longer knew who he was yelling at. People were supposed to act like Jesus, but they never did, not for long. People were selfish, people lied, people hurt each other. Christians raped other people, they killed other people, had wars and blamed them on God. The Bible was supposed to have all the answers, but it didn't. There were so many questions that would never have answers, he would always just be told "God works in mysterious ways," he heard that so much that the phrase now simply made him angry. The Bible was supposed to always be right, and it wasn't. There were countless times when he picked up a Bible, especially the old Bibles, in which some stuff was soo crazy, he couldn't believe anyone ever believed it was true. With all of these things weighing down on him, he gave up trying to just fake it anymore.
So he shouted, he cried, every night before bed since then, he asked whomever was listening for a sign, for simple faith, or anything.
It's never come.
This trend would continue for a long time.
The whole time, he started having harder questions about the Bible that he couldn't find answers to himself, so he started asking teachers. But those teachers didn't have the answers, so they sent him to the pastor at the school, but that pastor didn't have answers either, so he told Angel to pray about it.
Angel had never gotten an answer through prayer, so he hated being told that, but he tried it anyways. Every night before falling asleep he would try and talk to God, but he never heard anything back, and that hurt him. Why was it ok for everyone else to get answers from other people, or from the Bible, or from prayer, but never him? Did he do something wrong? Was he hurting someone? Was that why God was mad and didn't answer him?
His only friend from gradeschool was named Torie. Angel had liked Torie during gradeschool but after telling Cameron, Cameron decided he liked her more, and they started being boyfriend and girlfriend all through eighth grade. There were times when the three of them would be riding to Junior Winds together in the back seat of the car and Cameron and Torie would start kissing, and Cameron would put his hands up Torie's shirt while Angel sat next to them and stared out the window and tried to ignore them.
Then in highschool, they broke up, and Torie started dating a boy from another school. She would ask Angel for advice on him and ask him questions about what boys like. She would then start telling Angel stories about how they would make-out in the back seat of his car, and he had started licking her down-there, and how it felt so amazing. She would call him or message him after every date and tell him all the details. This whole time, Angel like Torie, and being told this stuff made him hurt inside.
He tried to find answers to this pain in the Bible, there were none. But one time, he was flipping through the pages in Job, trying to explain why he was crying, and he got a papercut. It was only a paper cut, but for a moment, he wasn't sad, and crying, he was just angry. So he gave himself another one, and another one. Soon, that page in Job was almost entirely red.
This idea worked too well. Every time Torie would start talking to him about the new thing she had tried with the other boy, he would just take a knife, or a pen or scissors and just make a little cut on his arm. Then while they were talking, he would just agitate it and cause a sting.
This went on until the end of Sophomore year, when Angel asked out a girl himself. Now Torie had told him how much it had hurt to have things go so far with a boy, and then be left alone. So Angel took things very slow with this girl. But soon they were going to Youth Group together, and Angel started to learn more and more things about the history of the Bible and his faith and everything else and in some cases, the Bible was just wrong, or silly, or downright stupid. But he ignored those issues, because he liked the girl and her faith, and he was happy living exactly how he was.
But the questions were still there, unanswerable by everyone, and they were important questions. They festered in his mind. They were a cancer to his faith. What he had always been told was that the Bible had all the answers, but it was turning out that it didn't. He was told that the questions he had were the ones that would never have an answer. They were things that he just had to ignore, otherwise they would drive him insane and make him lose his faith, the foundation of his life.
And they did. He went crazy. Now he wasn't talking to Torie, because his girlfriend had hated that they hung out and were friends, because she was "that" kind of girl. Christianity was the last piece of his childhood left to him, and that was falling out from under him when the questions became too unbearable to just ignore. So everytime he started to think about it, he would just take out his pocketknife and prick himself, just enough to bleed and hurt. His eyes would roll back in his head, and he would be entirely lost in the pain, unable to focus on what was bothering him before. It was bliss.
But eventually, even that wasn't working anymore. One night while the rest of the family was out, Angel was crying on the floor, yelling at heaven. But he realized that he no longer knew who he was yelling at. People were supposed to act like Jesus, but they never did, not for long. People were selfish, people lied, people hurt each other. Christians raped other people, they killed other people, had wars and blamed them on God. The Bible was supposed to have all the answers, but it didn't. There were so many questions that would never have answers, he would always just be told "God works in mysterious ways," he heard that so much that the phrase now simply made him angry. The Bible was supposed to always be right, and it wasn't. There were countless times when he picked up a Bible, especially the old Bibles, in which some stuff was soo crazy, he couldn't believe anyone ever believed it was true. With all of these things weighing down on him, he gave up trying to just fake it anymore.
So he shouted, he cried, every night before bed since then, he asked whomever was listening for a sign, for simple faith, or anything.
It's never come.
Story Time Part 1
It's story time.
Our story begins about the age of four when said child begins to comprehend why he's in that old building every Sunday and pinched to be quiet when he asks questions. That child, let's call him Angel, and that religion, let's call it Christianity, they seem to work well together. There are certain things that he's started to wonder, and questions he always felt too stupid to ask. The old guy up on the pedestal seems to have all the answers, it's pretty cool. See, there's this God fellow, and he wants everyone to do the right thing. And then there's this Jesus guy, and he just wants everyone to be his friend in heaven, which is basically like Six Flags plus the White House but better. So the two come to an agreement, and if you want to be Jesus' friend in heaven, you get to go there, but if you don't, you don't. At this point Angel can't even conceive of anything too bad, so you just don't get to go to that place with that cool guy. That's a shame. But all in all, it's a pretty good deal. So he tells his mom, "That's silly" when the old man talks about people who don't want to be friends with Jesus, "Who wouldn't want to go to Six Flags?" His mother, quite agitated by this random comment, pinches his ear "Would you be quiet?"
Now part of what was cool about Jesus, was that everyone was supposed to act like him and it seemed like everything would be pretty awesome if they did. No one would hate each other, everyone would be friends, and even if you were annoying, you would be accepted. He then found out basically EVERYONE he knew was already pals with Jesus, talk about late to the party. So he tried his best to act like Jesus (well, except to his little sister, but that's because little sisters are always the exception. They're like your ugly cat, it's alright for you to make fun of it and hit it with beanie babies, but if anyone else does you get to tackle them and make them tell the cat they're sorry.) And it seemed pretty nice, the big people liked him, and the other kids seemed to like how he was acting.
Fast forward to first grade. By first grade, everyone was starting to become different. Kyle, Angel's best friend, was now four and a half feet tall! He was a giant! Ken was starting to get fat, but not as fat as Kevin, who was 140 lbs. Then there was Cameron, who could talk up a storm and was the only other person besides Angel and Adam that could do addition. Adam was cool, he always knew what was going on and never had to try, he and Angel got along well. And it was awesome, because everyone was already friends with Jesus too. They all went to the same church and the same sunday school classes and everyone knew that you were supposed to be nice like Jesus, like mom and dad, like teachers.
Well, sure mom and dad would send Angel to his room now and then for things like not eating all the food he was given, or when he talked during The Simpsons, or when he didn't want to go outside and play with the neighbors. But that's what parents do, they get to break the rules a bit in order to make sure you're safe.
But then no one at school tried to act like Jesus. Everyone would always be talking about how Tyler couldn't read, or how Adam's mom didn't live at home, or how Cameron had a funny face; everyone would laugh and point and push them around when it came up. Angel had never heard about Jesus acting like this, so he asked his teacher during recess one day, "Teacher, did Jesus ever make fun of anyone for having a pigs nose?"
"Angel," teacher replied, "that's a silly question. You know you're not supposed to ask silly questions." So Angel, still not knowing the answer, ran back to his friends on the swings. But his friends were mad at him, called him an apple boy, and threw him off the swings and buried him under the gravel, because they were big and he was small.
Another time, he was just standing in line for the bathroom stall just after religion class. One of the younger boys walked out of it when Angel felt a shove and fell into the stall. Ken and Kyle both took him and put his head in the yellow water. "Stop making us look stupid," one growled. "Stop answering questions," said the other, "you're making teacher hate us." Tears and spit had made the water almost clear again by the time they stopped. Angel sat in the bathroom and cried until he couldn't cry anymore, then he dried himself off and went back in the classroom. And it was weird! No one looked at him funny, or mad, like he guessed they would. They all smiled and talked like nothing happened and Angel was confused.
Jump to third grade, by this time, Angel was used to being the odd one out. Every day they had a religion class, and learned that Christians act like Jesus, because that's what being Christian means, being a little Christ. But he couldn't ever understand why the teacher would yell at them for doing things that they were never told not to do. Neither could he understand why the other kids always acted like the bad people in the Bible. Last year, one of the teachers had said that all the answers to the questions he had were in the Bible, so he started reading it. By third grade, he had read most of the old testament, and the other kids would do things like the bad people in there, but no one would punish them for it.
One time Tyler shoved another girl down in recess and made her bleed. Angel ran over and tried to help her up but the teacher pulled him off of her and started yelling at her. "But it was Kyle!" Angel protested.
So everyone was taken inside and Tyler and Lauren and Angel were all taken to the principal's office. On the way, Tyler told both of them "If you snitch, then everyone will hate you and they'll beat you up." So when they stood in front of the Principal and Lauren was asked who pushed her down, she looked at the two boys. She looked over at Tyler, and then something made her point at Angel. "He did it," she said and then started crying and ran back to the room.
Angel had to stand at the wall and watch the other kids play for a week. Only one day of recess for hurting Lauren but then the rest for "lying." Before going back to the room, Angel went to the bathroom and cried. He asked God why he was being hurt for telling the truth, and why Tyler wasn't in trouble, when all Angel wanted to do was help. He never got that answer, but all answers are found in the Bible, so he kept reading.
By fifth grade, Angel was a trouble kid. Classes were never a problem, and there wasn't a homework assignment that he couldn't finish in class. He read the Bible, and other books, every day. He knew a lot of things, and the teacher would sometimes get them wrong. "Teacher, that's wrong," he told her one day while talking about planets, "you can't land on Saturn's Rings, they're not really there, they're just rocks. You can land on the rocks though, and that would be cool. But the rings aren't really rings." Because that's what you do when people are wrong, you help them be right, because that's what he was always taught in class and read about in his books. But Teacher didn't like being contradicted, so she sent him to the principal's office for back-talking. This was the first detention Angel got.
On Sunday, in Sunday School, Angel thought, "I can't believe some people don't believe in Jesus. Why wouldn't they want to?"
Jump forward to eighth grade, and Angel had read the whole Bible a few times now. He knew all the stories and all the best verses. He had the highest grades on all his tests. They took a test from the government, and it even made a college offer to teach him extra during the summer, but his parents said no because they didn't want their kid to be 'one of those kids.' He got bunches of detentions, and every time he did, he sat afterschool and read. It wasn't a bad deal.
Then over the trip, Angel hit one of the other kids with a pencil, and the kid's mom, their Sunday School Teacher, took Angel aside and said, "If you ever touch my son again, I'll kill you. I will hunt you down, and kill you on your doorstep." Angel told his dad who was on the trip, and he just laughed and said "That lady is crazy."
And every time he had questions about the Bible, he was told "the answers are in there." So he sat in church every Sunday and read the bible, but then he started getting yelled at for not paying attention to Pastor. Some of the things Pastor said weren't in the Bible though, so Angel realized he had two choices, Stop listening to Pastor when he was talking about things that weren't in the Bible or believe that there were things God wanted for them that weren't in the Bible. By the end of eighth grade, he decided to stop listening to Pastor.
When he stood up and was confirmed in front of the church, he knew he was lying to them by saying some of the things they wanted him to say, but he said it anyways because it made them happy.
~To be continued.
Our story begins about the age of four when said child begins to comprehend why he's in that old building every Sunday and pinched to be quiet when he asks questions. That child, let's call him Angel, and that religion, let's call it Christianity, they seem to work well together. There are certain things that he's started to wonder, and questions he always felt too stupid to ask. The old guy up on the pedestal seems to have all the answers, it's pretty cool. See, there's this God fellow, and he wants everyone to do the right thing. And then there's this Jesus guy, and he just wants everyone to be his friend in heaven, which is basically like Six Flags plus the White House but better. So the two come to an agreement, and if you want to be Jesus' friend in heaven, you get to go there, but if you don't, you don't. At this point Angel can't even conceive of anything too bad, so you just don't get to go to that place with that cool guy. That's a shame. But all in all, it's a pretty good deal. So he tells his mom, "That's silly" when the old man talks about people who don't want to be friends with Jesus, "Who wouldn't want to go to Six Flags?" His mother, quite agitated by this random comment, pinches his ear "Would you be quiet?"
Now part of what was cool about Jesus, was that everyone was supposed to act like him and it seemed like everything would be pretty awesome if they did. No one would hate each other, everyone would be friends, and even if you were annoying, you would be accepted. He then found out basically EVERYONE he knew was already pals with Jesus, talk about late to the party. So he tried his best to act like Jesus (well, except to his little sister, but that's because little sisters are always the exception. They're like your ugly cat, it's alright for you to make fun of it and hit it with beanie babies, but if anyone else does you get to tackle them and make them tell the cat they're sorry.) And it seemed pretty nice, the big people liked him, and the other kids seemed to like how he was acting.
Fast forward to first grade. By first grade, everyone was starting to become different. Kyle, Angel's best friend, was now four and a half feet tall! He was a giant! Ken was starting to get fat, but not as fat as Kevin, who was 140 lbs. Then there was Cameron, who could talk up a storm and was the only other person besides Angel and Adam that could do addition. Adam was cool, he always knew what was going on and never had to try, he and Angel got along well. And it was awesome, because everyone was already friends with Jesus too. They all went to the same church and the same sunday school classes and everyone knew that you were supposed to be nice like Jesus, like mom and dad, like teachers.
Well, sure mom and dad would send Angel to his room now and then for things like not eating all the food he was given, or when he talked during The Simpsons, or when he didn't want to go outside and play with the neighbors. But that's what parents do, they get to break the rules a bit in order to make sure you're safe.
But then no one at school tried to act like Jesus. Everyone would always be talking about how Tyler couldn't read, or how Adam's mom didn't live at home, or how Cameron had a funny face; everyone would laugh and point and push them around when it came up. Angel had never heard about Jesus acting like this, so he asked his teacher during recess one day, "Teacher, did Jesus ever make fun of anyone for having a pigs nose?"
"Angel," teacher replied, "that's a silly question. You know you're not supposed to ask silly questions." So Angel, still not knowing the answer, ran back to his friends on the swings. But his friends were mad at him, called him an apple boy, and threw him off the swings and buried him under the gravel, because they were big and he was small.
Another time, he was just standing in line for the bathroom stall just after religion class. One of the younger boys walked out of it when Angel felt a shove and fell into the stall. Ken and Kyle both took him and put his head in the yellow water. "Stop making us look stupid," one growled. "Stop answering questions," said the other, "you're making teacher hate us." Tears and spit had made the water almost clear again by the time they stopped. Angel sat in the bathroom and cried until he couldn't cry anymore, then he dried himself off and went back in the classroom. And it was weird! No one looked at him funny, or mad, like he guessed they would. They all smiled and talked like nothing happened and Angel was confused.
Jump to third grade, by this time, Angel was used to being the odd one out. Every day they had a religion class, and learned that Christians act like Jesus, because that's what being Christian means, being a little Christ. But he couldn't ever understand why the teacher would yell at them for doing things that they were never told not to do. Neither could he understand why the other kids always acted like the bad people in the Bible. Last year, one of the teachers had said that all the answers to the questions he had were in the Bible, so he started reading it. By third grade, he had read most of the old testament, and the other kids would do things like the bad people in there, but no one would punish them for it.
One time Tyler shoved another girl down in recess and made her bleed. Angel ran over and tried to help her up but the teacher pulled him off of her and started yelling at her. "But it was Kyle!" Angel protested.
So everyone was taken inside and Tyler and Lauren and Angel were all taken to the principal's office. On the way, Tyler told both of them "If you snitch, then everyone will hate you and they'll beat you up." So when they stood in front of the Principal and Lauren was asked who pushed her down, she looked at the two boys. She looked over at Tyler, and then something made her point at Angel. "He did it," she said and then started crying and ran back to the room.
Angel had to stand at the wall and watch the other kids play for a week. Only one day of recess for hurting Lauren but then the rest for "lying." Before going back to the room, Angel went to the bathroom and cried. He asked God why he was being hurt for telling the truth, and why Tyler wasn't in trouble, when all Angel wanted to do was help. He never got that answer, but all answers are found in the Bible, so he kept reading.
By fifth grade, Angel was a trouble kid. Classes were never a problem, and there wasn't a homework assignment that he couldn't finish in class. He read the Bible, and other books, every day. He knew a lot of things, and the teacher would sometimes get them wrong. "Teacher, that's wrong," he told her one day while talking about planets, "you can't land on Saturn's Rings, they're not really there, they're just rocks. You can land on the rocks though, and that would be cool. But the rings aren't really rings." Because that's what you do when people are wrong, you help them be right, because that's what he was always taught in class and read about in his books. But Teacher didn't like being contradicted, so she sent him to the principal's office for back-talking. This was the first detention Angel got.
On Sunday, in Sunday School, Angel thought, "I can't believe some people don't believe in Jesus. Why wouldn't they want to?"
Jump forward to eighth grade, and Angel had read the whole Bible a few times now. He knew all the stories and all the best verses. He had the highest grades on all his tests. They took a test from the government, and it even made a college offer to teach him extra during the summer, but his parents said no because they didn't want their kid to be 'one of those kids.' He got bunches of detentions, and every time he did, he sat afterschool and read. It wasn't a bad deal.
Then over the trip, Angel hit one of the other kids with a pencil, and the kid's mom, their Sunday School Teacher, took Angel aside and said, "If you ever touch my son again, I'll kill you. I will hunt you down, and kill you on your doorstep." Angel told his dad who was on the trip, and he just laughed and said "That lady is crazy."
And every time he had questions about the Bible, he was told "the answers are in there." So he sat in church every Sunday and read the bible, but then he started getting yelled at for not paying attention to Pastor. Some of the things Pastor said weren't in the Bible though, so Angel realized he had two choices, Stop listening to Pastor when he was talking about things that weren't in the Bible or believe that there were things God wanted for them that weren't in the Bible. By the end of eighth grade, he decided to stop listening to Pastor.
When he stood up and was confirmed in front of the church, he knew he was lying to them by saying some of the things they wanted him to say, but he said it anyways because it made them happy.
~To be continued.
20101130
9.2
That class got cancelled hah. Steven's is almost predictably lazy. It's one of the last classes he'll ever have to teach, and he didn't show up. Since then... I've napped? I flipped out of the information about the Mossad agents killing those scientists (somehow I'm getting this information days late, it's odd.) But then I just came home and napped for a few hours.
Schro actually napped with me, he's been fairly chill all day. A disturbing change of pace, I have to wonder what he's planning.
Gonna try and get chinese food, but convincing people to spend money is hard, and likely not going to happen. I might be able to mooch sidexo off someone though.
Here's to the night,
Angel
Schro actually napped with me, he's been fairly chill all day. A disturbing change of pace, I have to wonder what he's planning.
Gonna try and get chinese food, but convincing people to spend money is hard, and likely not going to happen. I might be able to mooch sidexo off someone though.
Here's to the night,
Angel
Entry 9
Eating breakfast at 1000 today, pancakes topped with syrup, powdered sugar and melted butter. Just slightly on the doughy side. I do enjoy cooking.
Lazy day! Lazy day! I have one last Lazy Day! Then I'm screwed to kingdom come, but that's not today's problem.
Kitten is attempting to steal pancakes. No people food you insane beast.
Just one class today, then back to clean house, play video games and read books. woopie!
Lazy day! Lazy day! I have one last Lazy Day! Then I'm screwed to kingdom come, but that's not today's problem.
Kitten is attempting to steal pancakes. No people food you insane beast.
Just one class today, then back to clean house, play video games and read books. woopie!
20101129
Courtings
LO:
- Likely to be the one I ask out, if any of them, once I find out a little bit more about her. She has surprised me a bit already, and is a quality chess player. I'm intrigued, but not actively pursuing because, let's face it, I'm just not into the whole idea right now.
MO:
- She's simply not attractive to me in any way. She likes me, which is actually unattractive as well. I don't like me, and if I was someone else I wouldn't like who I am now either, so if you do I seem to judge you for it. Oh well.
Beyond that, she's actively needy for positive evaluation. She seems to hinge on every good word and recoil and warp herself with every bad one. Just no self-confidence, and that's something I can't stand.
CT:
- Definitely the person I've got the most ambiguous crush on. It's like a seventh grade crush, I don't even know why it's here, but it is. I would ask her out, but the word on the street is that she's fairly asexual and not looking for a relationship. What a damper.
That's about it for now, there's a few others that flit into the radar, but I've actively disassociated myself from them in that aspect. I am not going to once again be a wedge between two people, and these people have "others" to think about. I can't do that to another person, been there and hated it. Accidentally did that to a few in the past and didn't know it, can't do it again.
Kitty is starting to fall asleep, so I gotta go before he clocks out and I have to wake him up just to run.
Night,
Angel
PS. Dear asofterworld.com, or more importantly Joey,
I get it, but you didn't have to broadcast your big-brother-message across the internet. A quick email would have worked too *facepalm*
Dear octopuspie.com,
Stop reading my mind.
- Likely to be the one I ask out, if any of them, once I find out a little bit more about her. She has surprised me a bit already, and is a quality chess player. I'm intrigued, but not actively pursuing because, let's face it, I'm just not into the whole idea right now.
MO:
- She's simply not attractive to me in any way. She likes me, which is actually unattractive as well. I don't like me, and if I was someone else I wouldn't like who I am now either, so if you do I seem to judge you for it. Oh well.
Beyond that, she's actively needy for positive evaluation. She seems to hinge on every good word and recoil and warp herself with every bad one. Just no self-confidence, and that's something I can't stand.
CT:
- Definitely the person I've got the most ambiguous crush on. It's like a seventh grade crush, I don't even know why it's here, but it is. I would ask her out, but the word on the street is that she's fairly asexual and not looking for a relationship. What a damper.
That's about it for now, there's a few others that flit into the radar, but I've actively disassociated myself from them in that aspect. I am not going to once again be a wedge between two people, and these people have "others" to think about. I can't do that to another person, been there and hated it. Accidentally did that to a few in the past and didn't know it, can't do it again.
Kitty is starting to fall asleep, so I gotta go before he clocks out and I have to wake him up just to run.
Night,
Angel
PS. Dear asofterworld.com, or more importantly Joey,
I get it, but you didn't have to broadcast your big-brother-message across the internet. A quick email would have worked too *facepalm*
Dear octopuspie.com,
Stop reading my mind.
Entry 8.2
One Mr. Schroedinger Loki B~ has gotten a bath tonight, and he smells much the better for it. That was one stinky kitty before.
We had the Rapper (Ranger Sapper) for class today. That's a good time. I think the LTC is a solid guy and a good dad, his kids are lucky to have him.
Other than that, not much is going on. Got to display my wicked Greenlandic butchery that I call "kinda-knowing-the-language" in Myth today as we are going over Norse mythos. The language isn't similar at all, but the pronunciation is close enough that it passes in most cases quite fine.
Geeked out over the Stuxnet virus for a few hours today. Feels good to see that and understand it's world-changing implications. Web and electronic security just ended folks, get a grip on that. It'll be a few years before this type of worm becomes a regular, but until then you still gotta be careful online. No personal information online, otherwise just expect it to be available to other people.
Gotta run a few miles tonight for Bataan, and then wake up to swim tomorrow for the same thing. It might be the death of me, but I think it's worthwhile. I'll just be all toned and super hooah.
I like Eminem's flow way too much, this has been decided. Sheesh.
That's all for the update tonight,
Angel
We had the Rapper (Ranger Sapper) for class today. That's a good time. I think the LTC is a solid guy and a good dad, his kids are lucky to have him.
Other than that, not much is going on. Got to display my wicked Greenlandic butchery that I call "kinda-knowing-the-language" in Myth today as we are going over Norse mythos. The language isn't similar at all, but the pronunciation is close enough that it passes in most cases quite fine.
Geeked out over the Stuxnet virus for a few hours today. Feels good to see that and understand it's world-changing implications. Web and electronic security just ended folks, get a grip on that. It'll be a few years before this type of worm becomes a regular, but until then you still gotta be careful online. No personal information online, otherwise just expect it to be available to other people.
Gotta run a few miles tonight for Bataan, and then wake up to swim tomorrow for the same thing. It might be the death of me, but I think it's worthwhile. I'll just be all toned and super hooah.
I like Eminem's flow way too much, this has been decided. Sheesh.
That's all for the update tonight,
Angel
Entry 8
Long run this morning, feels good to be back with the dysfunctional family. It seems like about half the battalion hates their biological familes and got here as fast as possible. We may hate waking up in the morning, or going to class, or standing out in the cold. We may hate marching with weapons for ten miles at five am, or doing push ups until we cry. We may get screamed at, physically fight each other or make threats about each other's health that can't even be printed without being arrested. But damnit, we're all in this together, and we have each other's backs until we die. And that's what it's all about.
Today should be relatively dull, along with tomorrow. A kitten is purring on me as I sit on my new soft couch (by new I mean 18 years old, and by soft I mean bending because it's broken.) I like it.
Gotta make some food and hopefully take a nap before classes.
Keep it exciting,
Angel
Today should be relatively dull, along with tomorrow. A kitten is purring on me as I sit on my new soft couch (by new I mean 18 years old, and by soft I mean bending because it's broken.) I like it.
Gotta make some food and hopefully take a nap before classes.
Keep it exciting,
Angel
Interlude 1
Just a small playlist for the week. It's gonna be a long one.
Brand New-
-Jesus
-Millstone
-Handcuffs
Say Anything-
- Walk Through Hell
Eminem-
- When I'm Gone
- Lose Yourself
Clint Black-
- Like the Rain
Kenny Chesney-
- Somewhere With You
Tool-
- Aenema
- Vicarious
- Forty-Six and Two
Anberlin-
-Feelgood Drag
-Godspeed
Brand New-
-Jesus
-Millstone
-Handcuffs
Say Anything-
- Walk Through Hell
Eminem-
- When I'm Gone
- Lose Yourself
Clint Black-
- Like the Rain
Kenny Chesney-
- Somewhere With You
Tool-
- Aenema
- Vicarious
- Forty-Six and Two
Anberlin-
-Feelgood Drag
-Godspeed
20101128
Entry 7.1
Heading home. Listening to some Brand New (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_iNdbPvrYk&feature=related) as I drive. I get a new couch today!
But beyond that, I get my kitty back again. Even if he's an asshole, he's my little asshole, and I want him back.
Finger still bleeding with pressure from the scissors incident at work yesterday. That's the bad part about finger wounds, they don't heal very quickly.
Time to stop bleeding on the keyboard again. Though I hear blood sacrifices make things work better.
But beyond that, I get my kitty back again. Even if he's an asshole, he's my little asshole, and I want him back.
Finger still bleeding with pressure from the scissors incident at work yesterday. That's the bad part about finger wounds, they don't heal very quickly.
Time to stop bleeding on the keyboard again. Though I hear blood sacrifices make things work better.
Entry 6
Work work work. Not much to report again. Met Katie Lakin formally tonight, an interesting person. It's funny, because she and I seem like complete opposites to the point that we could be polar opposites, but that's a very shallow idea. In reality we were the same, neither one of us likes killing people or the thought of people dying, the difference was the degree of disgust. She believes in the power and right to life, I don't. That's the big difference, but that's never what the whole thing devolved down to, which confuses me how off topic we got haha.
But that's about it. Heading home in the morning with the new couch (the basement couch, the sleeper one. A queen sized bed pops out of the inside!)
Angel, Out.
But that's about it. Heading home in the morning with the new couch (the basement couch, the sleeper one. A queen sized bed pops out of the inside!)
Angel, Out.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)