It is incredibly hard to give up. I can't do it. I have a new female friend, but I can't let go of her. Just goddamnit. Christianity = her. Hard problems = her. Heartache = her. I can't stop it.
Her old boyfriend, she saw a future with, he said there wasn't one. With me, there can't be one, but it's all I want. After everything, the curse words, the fights, screaming, crying, self injury, breaking possessions, fast drives and PST, I still want it. The more I try, the more I cry, the more I hurt, the more I want it to work.
My homework was to keep moving on, except I find it harder and harder to do. She's been why I've tried for so long, that now I can't DO things without thinking about her.
The only time my mind is clear is when I'm in the field. Every mission can't come soon enough.
