Back to the blog, forgot about it for a while now.
Since then, school ended, got my unit, XO and PL for some felons, fun times? Fun times.
Got a girlfriend for a few months now, it's not working well, but we're still together, so there's that. Seeing her later today for the first time in some weeks. We suck at communicating, so it might not work, but we're trying.
Camping tomorrow. "Camping" in a cabin. Bringing music and writing materials. At least my MOLLE, maybe my ruck. We'll see.
Yeah, she's still a problem, but we're keeping at an arms length to keep me functional. Anyways, just going to chill out and keep trucking.
20110719
20110402
Night before drill, and all through the house...
It is incredibly hard to give up. I can't do it. I have a new female friend, but I can't let go of her. Just goddamnit. Christianity = her. Hard problems = her. Heartache = her. I can't stop it.
Her old boyfriend, she saw a future with, he said there wasn't one. With me, there can't be one, but it's all I want. After everything, the curse words, the fights, screaming, crying, self injury, breaking possessions, fast drives and PST, I still want it. The more I try, the more I cry, the more I hurt, the more I want it to work.
My homework was to keep moving on, except I find it harder and harder to do. She's been why I've tried for so long, that now I can't DO things without thinking about her.
The only time my mind is clear is when I'm in the field. Every mission can't come soon enough.
Her old boyfriend, she saw a future with, he said there wasn't one. With me, there can't be one, but it's all I want. After everything, the curse words, the fights, screaming, crying, self injury, breaking possessions, fast drives and PST, I still want it. The more I try, the more I cry, the more I hurt, the more I want it to work.
My homework was to keep moving on, except I find it harder and harder to do. She's been why I've tried for so long, that now I can't DO things without thinking about her.
The only time my mind is clear is when I'm in the field. Every mission can't come soon enough.
20110203
Entry 38
Kanye West is way too good for being that much of an idiot.
Heartless is one of the best singles I've ever heard.
That's all.
Heartless is one of the best singles I've ever heard.
That's all.
20110127
Entry 37.5
STX Lane was great. I mean, it was a grade A clusterfuck, but it was still fun. We were supposed to ambush the enemy, then a fraggo came through and we were supposed to capture the enemy.
What happened? I caught an ambush on US just before it happened. Kept the whole squad from getting caught in a lane of death. I was pretty happy with myself, even if I did get "shot in the face" and died because of it.
Our SL was a little shaky on what he was supposed to do and we got in a crunch for time because of a miscommunication with Higher. But all in all, it was fun.
I'm going to go pass out until the ruck march,
Angel
What happened? I caught an ambush on US just before it happened. Kept the whole squad from getting caught in a lane of death. I was pretty happy with myself, even if I did get "shot in the face" and died because of it.
Our SL was a little shaky on what he was supposed to do and we got in a crunch for time because of a miscommunication with Higher. But all in all, it was fun.
I'm going to go pass out until the ruck march,
Angel
Entry 37
Well that blew. PT Test sucked.
My last one was 100/88/62-ish and this was 90/78/72 or something like that. It just doesn't cut it. Gotta get my run and situps back to decent levels. My upper body is finally improving, but it won't cut it either, gotta get better.
I overslept and was late for the test by about ten minutes, no one was mad, just laughed and sighed because it's the first time that's ever happened to me. Stupid alarm and it's not going off *checks phone to see something* PM THE ALARM IS SET FOR 5:40 PM. GAHHHH.
Freakout over. I passed, that's what matters. I'll kick the crap out of my February one to make up for it.
That's it,
Angel
My last one was 100/88/62-ish and this was 90/78/72 or something like that. It just doesn't cut it. Gotta get my run and situps back to decent levels. My upper body is finally improving, but it won't cut it either, gotta get better.
I overslept and was late for the test by about ten minutes, no one was mad, just laughed and sighed because it's the first time that's ever happened to me. Stupid alarm and it's not going off *checks phone to see something* PM THE ALARM IS SET FOR 5:40 PM. GAHHHH.
Freakout over. I passed, that's what matters. I'll kick the crap out of my February one to make up for it.
That's it,
Angel
20110125
Entry 36
Yay for a cleanish apartment. It's pretty exciting. All the dishes are done and the kitchen wiped down. Next is my room, then the living room and lastly the bathroom.
Microbes! You will be defeated!
Microbes! You will be defeated!
20110124
20110122
Entry 34.5
“Truce” by Dresden Dolls
You can have Washington, I’ll take New Jersey
You can have London but I want New York City
I should get Providence – I’ve got a job now
Los Angeles – obvious – that's where you belong now
You can have Africa, Asia, Australia,
As long as you keep your hands off Cafe Pamplona
We can split Germany right down the middle
You'd hate it there anyway
Take Berlin and we’ll call it even
You can take all of the carry-on baggage
I'll trade the saskia jokes for the alphabet language
And special occasions we'll split between parents
Who forced us to hate them on alternating weekends
You call it over and I call you psycho
Significant other?
Just say we were lovers and we'll call it even
We'll call it even
I am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered
Disguised as a hero to get past your borders
I know when I’m wanted, I’ll leave when you ask me to
Mind my own business and speak when I’m spoken to
I am the tower around which you orbited
I am not proud, I am just taking orders
I fall to the ground within hours of impact
I hit back when hit
And attack when attacked
You get Route 2 between Concord and Lexington
I want Mass Ave from the square to my apartment
And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
I’ll be very sweet, very patient, and forgiving
(Now get off my side of the state)
And if we should see one another in passing
Despite these techniques, there is sometimes no avoiding
(There must be some kind of mistake)
We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on un-American
We'll call it even
We’ll call it even
I am the tower around which you orbited
I am not proud, I am just taking orders
I fall to the ground within hours of impact
I hit back when hit
And attack when attacked
And I am an accident waiting to happen
I'm laughing like mad while you strangle the captain
My place may be taken but make no mistake
From a little black box I can say without shame
That you've lost, that you’ve lost
Do you know what you've lost?
So take whatever you'd like
I'll strike like the States on fire
You won't sleep very tight
No hiding
No safe cover
Make your bed and now lie
Just like you always do
You can fake it for the papers but I’m on to you, I’m on to you
So take whatever you'd like
I'll strike like the States on fire
You won't sleep very tight
No hiding
No safe covers
Make your bed and now lie
Just like you always do
You can fake it for the papers but I’m on to you....
I’m on to you, I’M ON TO YOU, I’M ON TO YOU!
Yeah, the night too a decidedly sharp turn for the worse.
You can have Washington, I’ll take New Jersey
You can have London but I want New York City
I should get Providence – I’ve got a job now
Los Angeles – obvious – that's where you belong now
You can have Africa, Asia, Australia,
As long as you keep your hands off Cafe Pamplona
We can split Germany right down the middle
You'd hate it there anyway
Take Berlin and we’ll call it even
You can take all of the carry-on baggage
I'll trade the saskia jokes for the alphabet language
And special occasions we'll split between parents
Who forced us to hate them on alternating weekends
You call it over and I call you psycho
Significant other?
Just say we were lovers and we'll call it even
We'll call it even
I am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered
Disguised as a hero to get past your borders
I know when I’m wanted, I’ll leave when you ask me to
Mind my own business and speak when I’m spoken to
I am the tower around which you orbited
I am not proud, I am just taking orders
I fall to the ground within hours of impact
I hit back when hit
And attack when attacked
You get Route 2 between Concord and Lexington
I want Mass Ave from the square to my apartment
And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
I’ll be very sweet, very patient, and forgiving
(Now get off my side of the state)
And if we should see one another in passing
Despite these techniques, there is sometimes no avoiding
(There must be some kind of mistake)
We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on un-American
We'll call it even
We’ll call it even
I am the tower around which you orbited
I am not proud, I am just taking orders
I fall to the ground within hours of impact
I hit back when hit
And attack when attacked
And I am an accident waiting to happen
I'm laughing like mad while you strangle the captain
My place may be taken but make no mistake
From a little black box I can say without shame
That you've lost, that you’ve lost
Do you know what you've lost?
So take whatever you'd like
I'll strike like the States on fire
You won't sleep very tight
No hiding
No safe cover
Make your bed and now lie
Just like you always do
You can fake it for the papers but I’m on to you, I’m on to you
So take whatever you'd like
I'll strike like the States on fire
You won't sleep very tight
No hiding
No safe covers
Make your bed and now lie
Just like you always do
You can fake it for the papers but I’m on to you....
I’m on to you, I’M ON TO YOU, I’M ON TO YOU!
Yeah, the night too a decidedly sharp turn for the worse.
entry 34
So, life's been pretty good. Nothing much more to report.
Got some Hitchcock to watch, picked up on Cal Lightman for a bit, made some pancakes.
Life's good.
Angel
Got some Hitchcock to watch, picked up on Cal Lightman for a bit, made some pancakes.
Life's good.
Angel
20110121
Entry 33
It's official, I'm sick.
I've got a nasty cough, my head is fuzzy (inside, and on top, but the on top is entirely incidental to the sickness,) and I've more mucus inside my nostrils than they had on hand during Ghostbusters.
It sounds like every cold, but the specific symptoms all work together to make it damn near impossible to sleep. The mucus makes me turn into a mouth breather, the cough makes mouth breathing painful, and the fuzz makes it impossible to think of a solution.
For the first time in a year, I'm on medication. Ibeuprofen and allergy meds for me, just in case it will do anything, but I don't think it really is. I'm saddened by my immune system, which is usually so top notch. But you can't really blame it, I mean I do workout every day which is going to compromise it. And then I've been out in the snow, wet for hours at a time, so I'm sure that's not helping. All of ROTC is basically setting themselves up for illnesses, and it shows. I'm not at all the only one in this predicament.
The only serious issue is that I have a test tomorrow and the APFT on Monday. I'm hoping to just stay out of remedial at this point, screw the score.
Ugh, my brain is too covered in fuzzy fungus and carpet to continue,
Angel
I've got a nasty cough, my head is fuzzy (inside, and on top, but the on top is entirely incidental to the sickness,) and I've more mucus inside my nostrils than they had on hand during Ghostbusters.
It sounds like every cold, but the specific symptoms all work together to make it damn near impossible to sleep. The mucus makes me turn into a mouth breather, the cough makes mouth breathing painful, and the fuzz makes it impossible to think of a solution.
For the first time in a year, I'm on medication. Ibeuprofen and allergy meds for me, just in case it will do anything, but I don't think it really is. I'm saddened by my immune system, which is usually so top notch. But you can't really blame it, I mean I do workout every day which is going to compromise it. And then I've been out in the snow, wet for hours at a time, so I'm sure that's not helping. All of ROTC is basically setting themselves up for illnesses, and it shows. I'm not at all the only one in this predicament.
The only serious issue is that I have a test tomorrow and the APFT on Monday. I'm hoping to just stay out of remedial at this point, screw the score.
Ugh, my brain is too covered in fuzzy fungus and carpet to continue,
Angel
20110119
Entry 32
Word to the wise: Apparently logic is stored in the penis, if possible avoid those without one.
PT was great today, I feel exhausted, which is almost as good as feeling happy. To quote myself, because yeah, I'm that awesome :P "Exhaustion and happiness aren't the same thing, but either way it's only going to be one or the other that will get you to sleep tonight."
I've got a full day of classes ahead of me, so I'm going to take a half hour nap and then hit the books (and by hit the books, I mean notebooks, because I have yet to actually buy books...) for an hour and a half until I leave for class.
Hereeeeeee's Johnny!
Angel
PT was great today, I feel exhausted, which is almost as good as feeling happy. To quote myself, because yeah, I'm that awesome :P "Exhaustion and happiness aren't the same thing, but either way it's only going to be one or the other that will get you to sleep tonight."
I've got a full day of classes ahead of me, so I'm going to take a half hour nap and then hit the books (and by hit the books, I mean notebooks, because I have yet to actually buy books...) for an hour and a half until I leave for class.
Hereeeeeee's Johnny!
Angel
20110117
Oh, how I hate being right
So let's just say, hypothetically, that a friend of a friend puts up some pictures of that friend of yours on facebook. You don't really know they guy who took the pictures, other than that one time you met him and he was half-lusting after your other friend at the table you were eating at (that you also happen to have a nice sized crush on.) After eating you make a joke about it to her, and she outright rejects the idea and says stuff to the tune of "No way, he's too 'insert bad quality'" or "Eww, don't like him like that." You laugh it off, but it's still there, and you're pretty sure you were just lied to at no-miss range.
Awkward anecdote aside, you go, "Hey! I want to see those!" so you start looking through them.
So you see some photos of friends and then you click just one too many times for your own good. Yeah, that friend you had a major league crush on and have problems letting go of is hanging all over that good-guy-yet-kinda-creepy kid from before.
What does a person do? You were lied to, and it hurts a lot just to be reminded of something you lost out on, but top that with the quick recovery-rebound onto the good little boy, and you're not happy. You might not even be angry, but you're upset and it feels like a person should do something in this situation.
You can't do anything to the guy, cause he's just collateral damage. Can't do anything to her, it's worse than Clark Kent and kryptonite. Sending a strongly worded message just seems pointless. Ignoring it is really the best option, too bad it doesn't work that way. So what's a boy to do? Nothing. Nothing at all. Out of sight, out of mind.
I'm going to go read more of Kevin Roose's book, Unlikely Disciple: a sinner's semester at America's holiest university. It's a quality read, and should be mandatory for anyone who is attempting to see something through someone else's eyes. Basically a kid from Brown goes to Liberty University (run by the late Jerry Falwell, the guy who said "The homosexual steamroller is literally going to kill our families," and obviously doesn't know what 'Literally' means.) He writes about his undercover semester in Bible Boot Camp (not to be confused with the real Bible Boot Camp which, oh so sadly, is shut down.)
It's a good read.
Anyways, the product of this post is... nothing! Yay!
Hah,
Angel
Awkward anecdote aside, you go, "Hey! I want to see those!" so you start looking through them.
So you see some photos of friends and then you click just one too many times for your own good. Yeah, that friend you had a major league crush on and have problems letting go of is hanging all over that good-guy-yet-kinda-creepy kid from before.
What does a person do? You were lied to, and it hurts a lot just to be reminded of something you lost out on, but top that with the quick recovery-rebound onto the good little boy, and you're not happy. You might not even be angry, but you're upset and it feels like a person should do something in this situation.
You can't do anything to the guy, cause he's just collateral damage. Can't do anything to her, it's worse than Clark Kent and kryptonite. Sending a strongly worded message just seems pointless. Ignoring it is really the best option, too bad it doesn't work that way. So what's a boy to do? Nothing. Nothing at all. Out of sight, out of mind.
I'm going to go read more of Kevin Roose's book, Unlikely Disciple: a sinner's semester at America's holiest university. It's a quality read, and should be mandatory for anyone who is attempting to see something through someone else's eyes. Basically a kid from Brown goes to Liberty University (run by the late Jerry Falwell, the guy who said "The homosexual steamroller is literally going to kill our families," and obviously doesn't know what 'Literally' means.) He writes about his undercover semester in Bible Boot Camp (not to be confused with the real Bible Boot Camp which, oh so sadly, is shut down.)
It's a good read.
Anyways, the product of this post is... nothing! Yay!
Hah,
Angel
Entry 31
Cat definitely just shattered a glass vase. Goddamnit.
Anyways, ruck yesterday went well. I froze my foot off, but beyond that no snags. Just a bit of the blaire witch project while I was out, just a little residual pain in my left toes when I got back, nothing too serious.
Once again, a day of nothing Going for a walmart run, dropping some things off at Hastings'. Hopefully eating something decent (all I had yesterday was mcdonald's, eggs and pizza.)
Got called a White Knight a few minutes ago, I'm not sure how to take that.
Anyways, that's all for now,
Angel
Anyways, ruck yesterday went well. I froze my foot off, but beyond that no snags. Just a bit of the blaire witch project while I was out, just a little residual pain in my left toes when I got back, nothing too serious.
Once again, a day of nothing Going for a walmart run, dropping some things off at Hastings'. Hopefully eating something decent (all I had yesterday was mcdonald's, eggs and pizza.)
Got called a White Knight a few minutes ago, I'm not sure how to take that.
Anyways, that's all for now,
Angel
20110116
Entry 30
Cat is pissing me off.
He's just being a dick.
I came home last night to toilet paper strewn across the floor everywhere. All night he was tipping things over. And this morning he keeps knocking (that is one weird lookin' word) things over and pulling things down. He's getting the shower if he keeps this up.
Last night I played some Munchkin, which is always a good time. But I got bored, so I left. I was winning at the time too, which amused me.
Beyond that, no report. Need to work out today, and nothing on my schedule. I need to pay for my cat to live here (like 8 days ago this was 'due', but she's nice and hasn't come asking for it,) but that's all.
Female 3 has been talking to me a lot. I'm not sure if it's something I want to pursue if her intentions are as I think they are. She's attractive, bubbly and fun. Her friends are annoying, but that's easily managed. There's an awkwardness to the whole situation though, and that is really the only thing I worry about besides her health (as per my previous relationships.) I am also aware I am a rebound to an extent, and my sudden interest in women outside of my little circle is also an act of desperation on my part, just trying to keep my head above the water.
Sigh, who knows, maybe it's all just a case of the winter blues,
Angel
He's just being a dick.
I came home last night to toilet paper strewn across the floor everywhere. All night he was tipping things over. And this morning he keeps knocking (that is one weird lookin' word) things over and pulling things down. He's getting the shower if he keeps this up.
Last night I played some Munchkin, which is always a good time. But I got bored, so I left. I was winning at the time too, which amused me.
Beyond that, no report. Need to work out today, and nothing on my schedule. I need to pay for my cat to live here (like 8 days ago this was 'due', but she's nice and hasn't come asking for it,) but that's all.
Female 3 has been talking to me a lot. I'm not sure if it's something I want to pursue if her intentions are as I think they are. She's attractive, bubbly and fun. Her friends are annoying, but that's easily managed. There's an awkwardness to the whole situation though, and that is really the only thing I worry about besides her health (as per my previous relationships.) I am also aware I am a rebound to an extent, and my sudden interest in women outside of my little circle is also an act of desperation on my part, just trying to keep my head above the water.
Sigh, who knows, maybe it's all just a case of the winter blues,
Angel
20110115
Entry 29
Well, I contract with the National Guard in a few days. That will be fun. I'll pull in that fancy ROTC money soon, which will be nice.
Saw Black Swan with some girls. It's my second time seeing it, and I still enjoy it thoroughly. I recommend everyone go see it. Sexual, thrilling, beautiful and entrancing; can we really ask more of a good movie? I'm not sure the context in which I saw it though, but I figure that will work itself out in time.
Cat and I are getting along well, he's attacking a bag while I do this write up, so we're about regular.
It will be interesting to see how I react to some things this semester. I'm getting lonelier, and I think in response I'm starting to branch out in my social group, grasping at what I can in order to be happy. Also as a result, I'm much more agitated than I'm used to. I think I'm appearing more and more calm, I'm talking less, taking on more responsibility, but inside I'm aware I'm a ticking bomb. I'm not sure what it will be that pushes that button for me to do something stupid, but it's there, just a matter of time to see what the situation is that ignites whatever it is that is stirring up inside me.
I'm stronger than ever. I'm in better shape. I'm faster. My reflexes are sharper. And I know more now than I ever have. But I'm also resenting every single moment I'm around people, and hating every moment I'm alone. Ugh, it's a weird feeling. I'm having a lot of those, two sided, confusing, unproductive feelings recently. I've got to work on this.
Anyways, pity party over. Time to put on some Clint Mansell and drift off,
Angel
Saw Black Swan with some girls. It's my second time seeing it, and I still enjoy it thoroughly. I recommend everyone go see it. Sexual, thrilling, beautiful and entrancing; can we really ask more of a good movie? I'm not sure the context in which I saw it though, but I figure that will work itself out in time.
Cat and I are getting along well, he's attacking a bag while I do this write up, so we're about regular.
It will be interesting to see how I react to some things this semester. I'm getting lonelier, and I think in response I'm starting to branch out in my social group, grasping at what I can in order to be happy. Also as a result, I'm much more agitated than I'm used to. I think I'm appearing more and more calm, I'm talking less, taking on more responsibility, but inside I'm aware I'm a ticking bomb. I'm not sure what it will be that pushes that button for me to do something stupid, but it's there, just a matter of time to see what the situation is that ignites whatever it is that is stirring up inside me.
I'm stronger than ever. I'm in better shape. I'm faster. My reflexes are sharper. And I know more now than I ever have. But I'm also resenting every single moment I'm around people, and hating every moment I'm alone. Ugh, it's a weird feeling. I'm having a lot of those, two sided, confusing, unproductive feelings recently. I've got to work on this.
Anyways, pity party over. Time to put on some Clint Mansell and drift off,
Angel
20110109
Entry 28
Well, day one is tomorrow. I've got a good set of crazy-ish classes, getting excited for that. Didn't hit my goal for muscle growth this month though, which is sad but I'll get over it.
Alright, we're going to have a bit of experiment for the next week. Although I am currently in the thought processes of asking one person out, I believe that a new semester necessitates caution. I will be meeting new people and also doing more things with people I already know.
In this light, I am giving myself a week and a half, ten days, to make a decision. Subject 1 is who I currently think I will be courting. She's very smart, she's attractive and she's methodical. I approve of all of these things very much. She's a solid possibility, and one that I see myself being happy being around.
Subject 2 has interests that coincide with mine, but she's annoying in large doses. This is made confusing by the fact that she is very pretty. I am to play this cautious, because I do believe that it would be a bad thing to be with her, a very heated bad thing, but a bad thing nonetheless. She's a potential, but not likely. It all depends on how much I wish to let my hormones go ahead and run with this rather than my brain.
I expect more subjects to present themselves in the next few days as I start classes and meet people within my major. But I am making a decision on what to do within 10 days, otherwise, I am a fool.
Angel out.
Alright, we're going to have a bit of experiment for the next week. Although I am currently in the thought processes of asking one person out, I believe that a new semester necessitates caution. I will be meeting new people and also doing more things with people I already know.
In this light, I am giving myself a week and a half, ten days, to make a decision. Subject 1 is who I currently think I will be courting. She's very smart, she's attractive and she's methodical. I approve of all of these things very much. She's a solid possibility, and one that I see myself being happy being around.
Subject 2 has interests that coincide with mine, but she's annoying in large doses. This is made confusing by the fact that she is very pretty. I am to play this cautious, because I do believe that it would be a bad thing to be with her, a very heated bad thing, but a bad thing nonetheless. She's a potential, but not likely. It all depends on how much I wish to let my hormones go ahead and run with this rather than my brain.
I expect more subjects to present themselves in the next few days as I start classes and meet people within my major. But I am making a decision on what to do within 10 days, otherwise, I am a fool.
Angel out.
20110103
Entry 27
Sigh, another day, same thing, only worse.
Nothing of note to report. Saw some John Water's films, Pink Flamingos and A Dirty Shame. Read a few manga at my old work. Read a bit more of Inside Delta Force.
Tis about it. Need to workout, likely I'll only get around to doing some pushups.
Thats it,
Angel
Nothing of note to report. Saw some John Water's films, Pink Flamingos and A Dirty Shame. Read a few manga at my old work. Read a bit more of Inside Delta Force.
Tis about it. Need to workout, likely I'll only get around to doing some pushups.
Thats it,
Angel
Tolls
If anything happens when I die, it's going to go down as follows. This would be what would happen if it all ended right now.
Diety: What is it that you wanted to do in life?
Me: I liked climbing mountains, camping, examining systems and understanding people.
D: I didn't ask what you liked, I asked what you wanted to do.
M: I didn't really have a goal, just kinda floundered around doing what I enjoyed as much as possible. I guess that's a goal? Be happy? Have fun doing what I like to do?
D: Really? How did that work out?
M: Not too well, I got to climb some, but not as often as I would like, I put off camping because I couldn't take doing it alone again, I spent a lot of time not doing anything instead of breaking things down like I enjoy, and I never got the hang of people at all.
D: Didn't you want a family?
M: Have you seen me? The only thing more terrifying than one of me, is several of me all going through childhood all at the same time. There isn't a school or woman around that would survive. But I guess that's really more of an excuse, truth is: I don't much like people. I hadn't found a female that I haven't gotten bored of in a few weeks. And those that came close, in the end I ended up hurting so badly they required meds.
D: That was their decision to stay, not yours.
M: True, but that doesn't absolve me. You don't yell at a kitten for chewing through a power cable. All it saw was something shiny that was swinging back and forth in its face.
D: Some superiority going on there isn't there?
M: I didn't fail often, I'm told I was attractive. I never have a shortage of people that want to hang out. I understood almost any material presented to me and I had a penchant for doing the "unreasonable" or "impossible." I picked up the superiority complex sometime in the midteens somewhere between my first kiss and my first chemical explosion. I tried to not let it affect my relationships, but I'm aware it did. Though some say a bit of arrogance isn't a bad thing, keeps you moving forward and advancing yourself to stay ahead of the curve.
D: Explaining it away?
M: Totally.
D: Hah, fair enough. Last question; did you do everything that you did, as good as you could do it, and with the heart of someone who cares about the end result? I don't care if you were a serial killer, or a healer, or a bank robber or a GMan. Whatever it is that you did, did you care enough to do it well?
M: I think so... yeah, I guess I did. I didn't half ass something when I wanted it, I went out and took it. It's probably because I was too scared I would lose it, have it slip through my fingers, but I went out and seized it.
D: Reasons are useless, the only thing that matters is what you do, not why you did it. In the end, no one knows why they do things, you can't think it through all the way, it's simply not possible. But what you do is what defines you.
M: Then yeah, I did what I did because I wanted it done.
D: Good man, let's go grab lunch.
Diety: What is it that you wanted to do in life?
Me: I liked climbing mountains, camping, examining systems and understanding people.
D: I didn't ask what you liked, I asked what you wanted to do.
M: I didn't really have a goal, just kinda floundered around doing what I enjoyed as much as possible. I guess that's a goal? Be happy? Have fun doing what I like to do?
D: Really? How did that work out?
M: Not too well, I got to climb some, but not as often as I would like, I put off camping because I couldn't take doing it alone again, I spent a lot of time not doing anything instead of breaking things down like I enjoy, and I never got the hang of people at all.
D: Didn't you want a family?
M: Have you seen me? The only thing more terrifying than one of me, is several of me all going through childhood all at the same time. There isn't a school or woman around that would survive. But I guess that's really more of an excuse, truth is: I don't much like people. I hadn't found a female that I haven't gotten bored of in a few weeks. And those that came close, in the end I ended up hurting so badly they required meds.
D: That was their decision to stay, not yours.
M: True, but that doesn't absolve me. You don't yell at a kitten for chewing through a power cable. All it saw was something shiny that was swinging back and forth in its face.
D: Some superiority going on there isn't there?
M: I didn't fail often, I'm told I was attractive. I never have a shortage of people that want to hang out. I understood almost any material presented to me and I had a penchant for doing the "unreasonable" or "impossible." I picked up the superiority complex sometime in the midteens somewhere between my first kiss and my first chemical explosion. I tried to not let it affect my relationships, but I'm aware it did. Though some say a bit of arrogance isn't a bad thing, keeps you moving forward and advancing yourself to stay ahead of the curve.
D: Explaining it away?
M: Totally.
D: Hah, fair enough. Last question; did you do everything that you did, as good as you could do it, and with the heart of someone who cares about the end result? I don't care if you were a serial killer, or a healer, or a bank robber or a GMan. Whatever it is that you did, did you care enough to do it well?
M: I think so... yeah, I guess I did. I didn't half ass something when I wanted it, I went out and took it. It's probably because I was too scared I would lose it, have it slip through my fingers, but I went out and seized it.
D: Reasons are useless, the only thing that matters is what you do, not why you did it. In the end, no one knows why they do things, you can't think it through all the way, it's simply not possible. But what you do is what defines you.
M: Then yeah, I did what I did because I wanted it done.
D: Good man, let's go grab lunch.
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